Sudden Death

Yesterday was one of the worst days in my life ! a sudden death in PB’s family – PB’s 18 yrs old nephew passed away suddenly – unexpected – we still have no idea how he died yet and may never know I was told by his aunt. How? why? when? all these ran thru’ my mind the whole day. And even though I was smiling and tending to our customers at the store – I can’t helped but think of Nick and if there was something we could’ve done to prevent this?

We saw him last summer and he was such a nice boy – although I sense a bit trouble but hey! which teenager doesn’t have some right? So I let it go and minded my own business – for I’m known to be outspoken and being a busybody and nosey. Should I have offered him a job here at our store and kept him close ? so many things are going thru’ my mind right now. Look at how handsome this young man was! my heart hurt a lot ! I can’t imagine what his parents are going thru’ – what about his brothers? Oh Nick! I wished you could have reached out to someone and talked with someone and get help.

I’m taking a lesson from this – and must remember to be diligent with Chloe – teenage years are harder than we think – or have gone thru’ ourselves. 18 yrs is a long and hard time to bring up a child and lose him over night. I never wished this upon any parents! Oh God! please help me to be a diligent mom, give me patience with my daughter. Remind me to make time for Chloe always. RIP Nick! RIP ! we’ll always remember you and love you!

4 Comments

  1. My condolences to you and your family, Jan. This is such sad news and such a shame to lose one so young and beautiful.

    This is every parent’s nightmare.

  2. Charmaine

    Sorry to hear about Nick. My condolences to you and your family. It’s sad to read what happened. Young people are under so much pressure these days. It touched me because I have a 11+ girl on the cusp on her teenage years, and I know what’s coming and I want to protect her.

  3. Jan,

    You and your entire family, Nick’s parents, his brothers, I am so sad for them, for all of you.
    This truly breaks my heart, and as was said, it is every parent’s worst nightmare to lose a child, and a child so young too.

    Teenagers ARE under so much pressure, so much more pressure than we were at their ages.
    There is trouble and temptation for them everywhere, at every turn, out on the streets, and especially at their schools.
    I know this from experience with my own 2 teenage sons, temptations at every single turn.
    I really hope that Nick’s death wasn’t caused by one of these horrible temptations.

    As for your teenage daughter Chloe, (I LOVE that name) yes, be patient and diligent and make plenty of time for her, but most importantly, you have to have an open door of communication.
    What I have always done with my own 2 sons, was to have an open door honestly policy.
    What it is, is that they are free to come to me at any time with any subject that they want to talk about with absolutely no fear of getting into trouble for talking about it.
    For example, they can come to me and tell me that at school today a student offered them some drugs, some pot, for example.
    They can tell me if they turned it down, or even if they took it to try and look “cool” to the other kids.
    If they took it to try and look cool, I tell them it’s OK, and then I ask them what they did with the pot, did they throw it away, did they smoke it, or do they still have it.
    If they threw it away, I applaud and praise their choice, hug and high five ’em!
    If they smoked it, I ask them how it made them feel, did they like it, hate it, and are they ever going to do it again.
    If they still have it on them, I ask them to give it to me and I then destroy it by putting it in a bucket with some bleach and then I flush it.
    Then I talk to them about it and other drugs.
    But the one thing that has made a HUGE difference in how I and my sons have all survived the teenage years so far is this open door honesty policy.
    By allowing them to come to me and talk about any subject at all with no fear of being punished, my sons tell me everything about their lives, everything.
    They tell me about drugs, sex, fighting, teachers they hate, everything that goes on in their lives and how they feel about things, we are always talking.

    I urge you and other parents of teens to have an open door honesty policy, I swear to you it will make all of the difference in the whole world with how you and your teen get through these very rough and stressful for them and us, teenage years.
    They will have you, their parent, the one person in their lives who loves them and wants to protect them, but can also be a great friend to them, they will TRUST you if they can tell you anything at all and not get in trouble for it.

    As the parent, it will be very hard sometimes to hear what comes out of their mouths, you will feel the urge to yell and scream at some of these things, you will want to punish them, ground them, forbid them from ever talking to someone again, but you can’t punish them at all, no matter what they tell you.
    If you can do this, openly and honestly listen to them and not punish them, they will trust you and tell you everything, you will learn so much about your teen, you will know everything they are doing all of the time, and you will learn so much more about WHO they are as a young person rapidly growing into adulthood.
    Having their parent there for them, listening to them, trusting them enough to say anything and know that you aren’t going to punish them, will make them a better person, it will help them grow up and be the kind of person that you want them to be because you trust them, and in turn, they will trust you and tell you everything.

    Gosh, I’m so sorry, I wrote a novel here but I wanted you to know a “trick” to not only be diligent and there for your teen, but how to really be there for them, how to get them to trust and talk to you.

    Anyway, again, I am so so sorry for your families loss, you are all in my heart and thoughts during this very rough time.

    Love you,
    Kat

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