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Sudden Death

Yesterday was one of the worst days in my life ! a sudden death in PB’s family – PB’s 18 yrs old nephew passed away suddenly – unexpected – we still have no idea how he died yet and may never know I was told by his aunt. How? why? when? all these ran thru’ my mind the whole day. And even though I was smiling and tending to our customers at the store – I can’t helped but think of Nick and if there was something we could’ve done to prevent this?

We saw him last summer and he was such a nice boy – although I sense a bit trouble but hey! which teenager doesn’t have some right? So I let it go and minded my own business – for I’m known to be outspoken and being a busybody and nosey. Should I have offered him a job here at our store and kept him close ? so many things are going thru’ my mind right now. Look at how handsome this young man was! my heart hurt a lot ! I can’t imagine what his parents are going thru’ – what about his brothers? Oh Nick! I wished you could have reached out to someone and talked with someone and get help.

I’m taking a lesson from this – and must remember to be diligent with Chloe – teenage years are harder than we think – or have gone thru’ ourselves. 18 yrs is a long and hard time to bring up a child and lose him over night. I never wished this upon any parents! Oh God! please help me to be a diligent mom, give me patience with my daughter. Remind me to make time for Chloe always. RIP Nick! RIP ! we’ll always remember you and love you!

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The Leblanc’s Made Halloween Possible For Chloe

We don’t have a lot of friends here – but the ones we called friends are always kind to us especially chloe and they are steadfast – and genuine. Chloe didn’t get to go out for Halloween because she was sick – puking and feverish. She was very upset of course that she didn’t get to dress up and get treats – but yu see when the Leblanc’s didn’t see us show up at their doorsteps like we used to – they arrived at the store the next day with Halloween goodies for Chloe! Oh ! the leblanc’s are just so kind to Chloe – and definitely made Halloween for Chloe. Chloe loved her Halloween treat bags and thanks to the Leblanc’s they made it easier for her to forget she didn’t get to go out on Halloween day.

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Chloe’s Teachers Are Great

I’m pleased to report that Chloe is having a lot of success with her teachers from last year and this year. Even the school secretary is way nicer than her previous school – she is always smiling to us – and always gets chloe for us when we need to see her during lunch time. It really makes a world of difference that Chloe like her teachers a lot. Plus her teachers are very encouraging and always listen when Chloe has trouble with some kids. We are keeping our fingers and toes crossed that Chloe would continue to have good teachers for the rest of her years in this school.

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I See The Goodness In My Child

A few days ago Chloe was sick – puking and feverish. Today she was feeling better and wanted to have a sucker but I didn’t know if she could have it or not. So she told me to type on the puter and find out whether she can eat the sucker or not – hahahha! too funny right? you see she had been watching us do that for the last few days – checking out on google to see what she can eat and what she cannot eat.

So when PB came back – I told him about the story – expecting him to say – oh yes! she is a smart one – instead he replied that she likes to push it when she feels a bit better. *rolled eyes* – yes! i see the goodness – the cuteness and smartness in my child – but even her daddy doesn’t see the same – they see the naughtiness in her first. *sigh*. Even when she was sick – a few days ago – she wrote little messages to keep me happy, so that I won’t be so worried about her. I see the goodness and kindness in my child – can you?

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When My Child Is Sick

Whenever Chloe falls ill – I feel like an incompetent mom – I feel that I could have done better. I wished I could keep her away from falling sick and puking and having a fever – and it worries me to death – I can’t sleep well at night when she is ill. But she is an awesome kid – when she is sick – she is not cranky or anything – she just wants to sleep.

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It Hasn’t Been Easy For Him

I looked back at some of the photos that I had taken of PB – and there are so many that he never really had a smile on him – besides the ones – from when we first got together. The pictures we took then were genuine smile – happy ones – but after being together for so many years – the smiles weren’t real anymore. I don’t really know if he is unhappy or what? but for sure I know it isn’t easy for him either as it is not for me. As much as I want to go home and bitch about it all the time – it must not be easy for him to keep hearing me nag about it all the time and making him feel like he failed me.

But when I nag and long for home it wasn’t meant to make him feel bad or that he failed me – but because I need him to know that I really need to make a trip home. 11 yrs is a long time – to not go home for a break. I know it’s not easy because of the business and all and we are just getting caught up and starting to make bigger plans for our future – and our trip back home – may put us right back from the start – I know all that. Therefore – PB really needs to let me make trip to the city – else it’s just gonna drive me nuts – not even having frozen dim sum!

This picture was taken during the weekend – and this smile was the one I recognized from when we first got together. I guess it was a happy weekend for us – even though we didn’t make it up the city – but at least we shopped and visited the Leblanc’s and he did everything that I want. I hope to see PB smile like that all the time too – but I do miss home and especially the food. *shrug* So if you think the other side is greener – think again.

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An Angel When She Is Outside

They say that there is an angel inside every brat – hahah! and yes she can be an angel when she is out with us. But when she is at the store and I start talking with a customer – whether it is for work or for pleasure – she will start her nonsense and wants attention immediately. Yup! last week she started crying her eyes out because I was chatting with a customer for 10 mins. PB had to go to the back of the store and gave her a talking to. But when she is out – shopping or eating – she is an angel – she would draw – she would read – and eat her food – and never once try her nonsense. People would come up to us and tell us what a well-behaved kid we have – and we would reply – you haven’t seen the other side of her yet – the evil one – muahahah!! But whatever she is – we love her – but mannnn!!! the attitude had to change at the store – else someone is going to be staying home after school.

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Winter Is Coming Too Soon

It’s so cold for the last one week – we had to get oil put into the furnace and fired up the furnace today. Winter seems to be coming too soon this year – so i started reading more on glucosamine chondroitin msm – because I have mild arthritis. I think it is because after having Chloe – I never really did the 30 days confinement since I’m all alone in Canada. I had told PB about the confinement – and I had also told PB’s mother about the food that I needed to eat during the 30 days – but I guess they just don’t practice it. So whenever the weather start changing – cold like now – my bones hurt – not pain – but really sore. The price to pay eh – for migrating to such a cold place. If I could turn the clock back – I would want PB to go to Singapore and migrate there instead after all, my health is just as important as his career right?

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Why Do People Migrate?

I asked PB – the other day – why do you think people migrate? is it because they think it’s better quality of life? or a change of life? or is it love? or better future – as they call it – as in better work environment and better opportunity? I’ve often been emailed by people from all over the world asking about the quality of life in Canada and how do one get migrated to Canada? Can you find jobs easily?

These are just a few questions I’ve been asked pretty often – what they also failed to ask is the weather, the food! the people acceptance of someone from another country. I too, never thought about this – when I first arrived in Canada. For me – it’s all in the name of love – after having Chloe – i didn’t feel it was right – to move her back to Singapore – because she has grandparents and extended family here. I am hoping to give her a “real” family – alas, we work too much and so does her grandparents. The extended family we rarely see – nor keep in touch – because they have their own life and so do we. I don’t have many friends here and those that I’ve come to call friends – are actually customers of the store that turned into friends. I can’t just up and take a public transport here for a quarter and head for the mall – because public transport is only one bus – and it cost like $2 to take a ride to designated spots. Cab rides are expensive – and even if it was a 5 minutes ride – it would cost me $6.50 – which I’m too el cheapo to pay. So I wait for PB to be available to send me to the mall – which is usually in a hurry to get the necessities.

We haven’t gone to the city for months now – because the store is so busy – and to think of going home – without some trustworthy help – is almost impossible. The winter is long here – and if you are thinking of looking for a job here – that might be better than home – you have to really think long and hard. Depending on where you are from – yes ! some jobs could be better – but then you are also giving up on your food and all sorts of entertainment that you can get cheap back home. There are pros and cons of course in everything – the grass is not always greener on the other side. My advice to anyone who wants to migrate – is to make sure you can get the kind of food you need in the province you are staying in. Be prepared to wait for a job as long as a year – and make sure you have family and friends around you or nearby. Unlike myself, I have no one to turn to – except PB – when I was ill or needed help with Chloe. So yes! having Asian family and friends nearby is very important – and so is the food.

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Shopping In The City

So we had planned to leave for the city yesterday and then head back today – but nope we didn’t go – because the rain came – and I didn’t want PB to drive in the rain – scary. But yes – we wanted to start shopping for xmas gift now – else we would not get what we want for the people we want to share Christmas with. I know you must be saying – Christmas shopping already??? but if you know us – and how busy we get during Christmas time – there is just no way to get out to the city when it draws nearer to Christmas. We were so busy – that when I was having Chloe in December some 6 year ago – I wished we could postponed the delivery date – hahahah!!! So yes! we are going to attempt to go up the city again soon – Christmas shopping this year – is going to be early !