Family/From the Heart – Page 14

February 17, 2012

That Dreaded Call Came

It was still dark outside and rightly so – since it was only 6am – the phone rang – i didn’t want to pick it up because I knew what it meant and PB didn’t wake up from the ringing at all. The next time it rang – I woke PB up to pick up the phone and yes, Grammie wasn’t going to make it – she was going. PB’s aunts had called and told him that they had taken out her drips because she was gurgling water out from her mouth and they didn’t think that it was going to help her. The nurses figured it would be between 2 – 4hrs. We called the father-in-law immediately to let him know and we got prepared to wake Chloe up and send her to school first before going to say goodbye to my mother-in-law.

Another call came at 8am and the hospital wouldn’t talk to me – PB was in the toiletttttttttttt!!! and yes – by the time we called back – Grammie had left. We sent Chloe to school and then we went to the hospital – Grammie laid there all still and her hands and fingers were turning black and so was her face. The cancer had taken completely over – it was just so sad because she wasn’t ready for it and she was excited about her trip to New York this year and also wanting to get her first pension cheque. I know she was worried for Chloe and rightly so because we didn’t know how Chloe would take the news. We dreaded it.

February 14, 2012

Hanging Onto Grammie

Yes, chloe is desperately hanging on to Grammie and hoping that she will get well – but at this point of time we knew it wasn’t going to happen. But Chloe drew and drew and drew and drew fairies and put on good wishes for her grammie. My heart breaks for my daughter and wished for a miracle. I even asked God to heal Grammie – and I’ll give up all my Chinese food. But Grammie is getting worst by the day – she isn’t even talking to us no more. We are currently preparing Chloe for her Grammie’s passing, she doesn’t like it and who does and she still asking for pixie dust to be sprinkled on Grammie – so that Grammie can get well soon.

February 8, 2012

Chloe Dealing With Grammie Who Is Sick

When Grammie got sick – I had asked Chloe how she feels about Grammie being sick and in the hospital – being the new age mom – I learned that we have to talk to our kids about things they don’t comprehend and don’t know how to go about asking about it. We bring Chloe to visit her grammie everyday since she was admitted to the hospital and she make it her plan to read to her grammie in the hospital – I thought that was a very good idea – and she enjoys showing off her reading skill.

So how is Chloe coping with her grammie’s illness? first of all she doesn’t know that Grammie is very sick – we told her that Grammie is in the hospital to do more tests and to find out what is wrong. Chloe said she is a little sad and hopes that Grammie discharge soon because she doesn’t like visiting Grammie in the hospital. She asked me one night – if Grammie was going to be alright – and I had told her that yes, Grammie is going to get treated and she will be as good as new or somewhat new.

Chloe is very closed to her Grammie – more than her grampie – so if anything happens to her Grammie, I think she will be scared forever. So I’m really praying hard that Grammie will be treatable and that she will lived a long, long time. As for now, we are telling Chloe to have hope and to pray.

January 31, 2012

Hospitals

I do not like hospitals – period and only go to one unless absolutely necessary or if it is because Chloe needs to see a doctor. Now that would be a totally different thing altogether – afterall, it is Chloe we are talking about right. Today, Chloe’s grammie went into the hospital to see her family doctor but ended up getting admitted to the hospital for a CT scan. Her doctor had suggested that she stay in the hospital so that she can get her CT scan quicker. So I got PB to go help her to get admitted and before going home from work we brought Chloe to visit her. There wasn’t any bed for her – so she was admitted to overflow – where the emergency was, on the ground floor – so we’ll see what happens after she gets her CT scan – hopefully tomorrow.

January 23, 2012

East Meets West Upbringing Of A Child

I have to constantly remind myself that there is cultural difference between PB’s upbringing and our Chinese upbringing and our values. Today is Tuesday and Grammie didn’t come to the store like she would – probably because she didn’t have a ride to town. And since Chloe didn’t go to Grammie’s on Sunday because of a birthday party and didn’t go the week before because Grammie was busy – that means she didn’t really get to spend any quality time with her grandparents.

In our chinese culture, it’s important to let the grandchildren visit their grandparents and let the kids bond with their grandparents. To me when I had Chloe – I had this beautiful dream of Chloe growing up with loving grandparents and spending lots of time with them – shopping, going around town and doing stuff together. But alas, that did not happened – for the first 6 – 7 yrs of Chloe’s life – she wouldn’t visit her grandparents without us around. Now that she would – her grandparents are very busy themselves – because they have to work and they do have a life of their own too.

Of course, I understand that and had come to terms with the fact that Western grandparents do not expect what the Eastern grandparents would want and expect us to do. But it’s Chloe who doesn’t understand why her Grammie didn’t come visit and even though we explained to her many times – she still feel sad everytime she doesn’t visit for a few hours – or when she doesn’t get to visit her grandparents. I’ve brought Chloe up to be a very loving child – if you’ve met her personally, you would know that she is friendly and loving to just about anyone. She can give a tour of the house to her father’s friend – without the other person asking, so I figured she must feel sad whenever her grammie doesn’t visit when she is supposed to. *sigh*.

January 18, 2012

I’m The Planner

While PB doesn’t like to plan for anything and just go with the flow – I’m the planner, I need everything to be laid out and then I execute it. I don’t know if you called it meticulous or a bit of OCD in me acting up. But whether it’s the power bills, internet bills, credit card bills or our life insurance, car insurance and rv insurance – everything is noted in my planner – and I will check it a few times day.

I also plan Chloe’s meals ahead of time – and never let her eat the same thing for dinner and lunch, there is always a variety of food for her to try and I keep them as healthy as possible. Yes! it irks me so much when PB is late on a bill – not because we cannot afford it but he forgets and don’t like to be reminded constantly. I really think that my obsession to pay and do everything as planned comes from the fact that I come from a poor family and everything seems to be on dateline – we never had money to spare when I was a kid – but I know that my mom paid for everything on time and never ever borrowed from anyone. We just don’t have any toys or any new clothes or shoes but that’s alright. Now that I’m with my own family, I can appreciate my mom and what she does with money – therefore, I never let PB or Chloe spend money that we don’t have and bills has to be paid on time – yes, even the rv insurance.

January 17, 2012

More Gifts From The Body Shop

Everyone loved receiving gifts and more when the gift is something you would used and running out of it. This is the Body Shop’s Vitamin C Skin Boost – and a bottle of this cost like $26, so I’m grateful to friends from Vancouver who knows that we don’t have a Body Shop here for buying them for me and sending them to me as gift. I’m indeed blessed! Thank you so much, Mandy ! The spouse said I’ve got rich and good friends – and I told him yup! I’ve known Mandy for like 25 yrs! She worked with me at the Marco Polo Hotel Hong Kong – Mandy was a Management Trainee then and was working at the Business Center as the Manager there. Loved working with Mandy and it certainly pays to treat your trainee well – unlike the person who had trained me when I first started at the Business Center in Singapore. Mannnn!! she was something alright! wouldn’t let me go home – even if there was 1 cent that I can’t find – even when I offered to pay for the 1 cent. I’ve never seen anyone worked a trainee before. There was absolutely no compassion at all – especially when your shifts ends at 11pm – and you will miss your last train home. She was absolutely awful! I’m just glad that none of my trainers were like her – she was the only one i remembered so clearly.

January 13, 2012

Western Spouse Cheating On Asian Spouse

So I’ve heard many stories about Canadians cheating on their Canadian girlfriends and wives and I really don’t feel that bad – not until I hear about Canadian spouse cheating on their Asian spouse. Why? maybe it’s because we are all alone here in Canada with no immediate family – so when the Canadian spouse cheat on us – it really sends our whole tumbling down. A lot of questions came into my mind when I heard from a local friend about it and was absolutely surprised that my Asian friend’s spouse would do that.

Why? because my Asian friend is a very, very good looking Asian lady and slim and very, very nice in manner and nature. Unlike myself who is loud, opinionated and old looking – therefore, it really took me by surprise. In fact, surprise isn’t the word – it was shocked and I feel so bad for my friend because I didn’t know that she was treated so badly. Had I known earlier – I would definitely have been there for her and may even bitch slapped her spouse.

So my point is this – what do you do when your spouse cheats on you and you try to save the marriage but failed because he is a bastard? Are you alone? do you have money to support yourself? what about getting a lawyer to help you with the divorce proceedings? what if you don’t have money for it?

To be cont’d ….

January 10, 2012

Tiger Mom I Am Not

And I’m so ashamed of it! Reading Amy Chua’s book – Battle Hymn of A Tiger Mom makes me think of all the things that I should have make Chloe do instead of giving her so much choice. After all, what do kids know right? – mothers should know best as we were raised to believe. And even though I suspect my mother’s screaming, bashing, threats and belittling wasn’t the same intentions as Amy Chua’s – mothers should know best and a 8 yrs old don’t know what is best for her.

My outlaws and brother-in-law thinks that I’m strict with Chloe – but wait till they read Amy Chua’s book then they would learn to appreciate me and know how lenient I am with Chloe. So lenient that I regret some of the things I didn’t do with Chloe or make her do it because of my own upbringing. You see my mom was a wee bit crazy when it comes to the screaming – quite embarrassing when you lived in such closed proximity with your neighbors and unlike Amy Chua – she didn’t helped me to study nor hire a tutor for me to help me with my poor subjects. And again I was left to fend for myself at an early age – and my mom loved to cane us publicly, so that other people would say that we are taught well – whether we are in the right or wrong – we are at the receiving end of the cane. And my good for nothing dad would make us take off our pants, bend over and he would cane us – till we were quite old. about 12 yrs old I think if I am not wrong. I hated every bit of the teaching – so much so that I got very soft with Chloe.

I didn’t want to become my parents but neither should I be over – protective either – so with Amy Chua’s book – I’m encourage that a little bit more of a Tiger Mom than I am now. I really have to believe that Chloe can do more than what she is doing now – so I’ve started drilling her with more homework and reading at home. I’ve also started on spelling with her even though her school haven’t yet asked that she learn how to spell. And I’m proud to say that it didn’t take much for her to remember how to spell certain words. She loved to read and I’m going to spend more time reading with her from now on – and we really need to work on her math – she doesn’t like big numbers I tell you that much. One thing for sure – my kid will be brought up a lot differently from the kids we know around us.

January 4, 2012

Assume Strength In Our Kids

As a child, I’ve always had to fend for myself in school, at home and very quickly I learned that I cannot really count on my parents to be my champion. My dad was never home and my mom was too busy with work or too tired after work to listen to whatever problems that I might be encountering in school or at home with my siblings. So with Chloe, I am extra careful – and making sure that she wasn’t alone or had to face problems on her own.

But on the other hand, I realized that I am raising a kid that needed help with everything and I’ve turned into a helicopter mom. Throwing the kid out in the open and letting her fend for herself also isn’t what I want to do but I also don’t want to raise my kid to be a wuss. If you remember correctly, Chloe was painfully shy in school and even when she was bullied in school, she refused to stand up for herself nor tell her teachers about it. And because of her earlier bad experienced with a little boy in her second school – I became a little more paranoid when it came to Chloe’s safety.

Yesterday, Chloe told me about a problem with her school mate – and that she had already spoken up about it with the teacher – so she had already taken care of the problem herself – I’m so proud of her – she is 8 years old this year. This morning, I asked her if she needed for me to speak with her teacher again about the same issue and she told me – ” no mom! I’ve already taken care of the problem” – my daughter is a stronger girl now ! after being in school for a few years and much, much encouragement on our side – she finally stood up for herself and don’t need me to hover over her – I’m a very proud mama! I’ve never doubted that Chloe would stand up for herself one day – I know that it will come when it come. But I also have to learn that my kid is stronger than I think she is and letting her make mistakes and fight for herself is alright.