And My Journey Thru' Breast Cancer
So PB’s first cousin got married a few days ago. When i first met them.. they were still kids in school. But i’ll have to say .. the twins are awesome kids.. and grew up to be awesome adults. I bet her parents are proud of her.. and when the pastor asked “who gives her hand in marriage” – her father replied, ” her mother and I” .. I wanna cry..!! I love weddings.. donch you ..??
Hi, everyone – my name is MB and I’m a helicopter mom – hahahha!!! funny ..?? i’m sure some of you are now wondering if you are a helicopter mom as well right ..?? Hahha!! fear not.. because as parents – it is our duty to be able to see the truth and admit that this is what we are. Unlike our forefathers, we never admits when they are obviously wrong or made the wrong decision – modern parenting is liberal. We like to be in a learning process and who isn’t right .. ?? in everything we do .. on a daily basis.
I met a parent in Blue Cross North Carolina, who claimed and self professes that she loves her kids with her life and would never do anything wrong by her kids or by anyone. Now when you hear someone talk this way, I would steer clear of this person – hahahha!!! self-righteousness does not sit well with me .. when it comes to parenting.
Anyhow, lets come back to me.. being a helicopter mom. Yes – I have to admit that .. and yes.. i hover over my lil’ brat every chance i get. And even though i want her to learn to be independent – i still send Kate with her to the playground and to the summer camp. Is it wrong to be a helicopter mom..??? like all parents and parenting – in my humble opinion .. no one is right or wrong and nothing is by the book. Certain methods works for one parent but not for another – certain child does good by a certain way and others by another. But having said all the above, a helicopter mom like myself needs to be careful what message i’m sending to my child.
Experts claimed that this trend of hyper-parenting does not go well with the current trend. And over the last 20 yrs or so hyper-parenting is the norm here in the West but it is the same as in the East. I’ve friends who are exactly like myself – so donch beat yourself up if you identify with me.
Why the birth of the bubble..?? I think it’s because we grew up in the era of the more relaxed parenting or rather our parents were very busy at work and trying to put food on the dinner table. So we were left to our own devices and we were told to play outside until the sky turns dark. We pretty much invented our own games and work things out ourselves with our peers, there were no intervention like the ones we do for our kids now.
By the 90s, families are getting smaller – ppl don’t have as many kids like our parents or even forefathers did. They had more money to spend on toys for their kids and with more documented kidnapping and child abuse, there came the era of stay at home moms. Working moms competing with the stay at home moms for the perfect formula to a brighter kid and greater future for our kids.
It is definitely easy to say .. that mothers or parenting should be a relaxing one and when they are ready to do it.. they would. Do I want to be the kind of parent who bragged about my kid and ignore bad behavior because of my hyper-parenting? Bursting the bubbles is hard – but letting go a bit at a time – I can do it. Giving my brat some basis rules and then allowing her to explore, have fun and be herself is important. Although, my kid would never go to the store alone at 5.5 yrs old – I think that is pretty alright.
As cute as she may be .. and as much as we love her .. the kid wouldn’t sleep at nite .. and most times.. we would end up getting really frustrated… as if she was testing our patience .. and pushing us to our limit.
She is extremely smart.. and extremely sensible in a lot of things.. but the kid wouldn’t sleep. She is aware of the consequences.. if she doesn’t get enough rest.. and that we would not let her go swimming the next day if she doesn’t get enough rest .. yet she refuses to sleep at a reasonable time.
We are not even asking the brat to sleep at 7.30pm.. like the neighbour’s kids .. nor at 8.30pm.. or even 9.30pm since we only get home at 9.30pm most days. 10.30pm is reasonable.. it gives us enough time.. to read to her.. watch a little show with her.. and then she sleeps..so that we can get some housework done .. or cook for her lunch for the next day – since she is such a fussy eater. But nope.. the kid wouldn’t sleep.
So at 11.30pm .. i’ll be looking like that.. yes.. i kid you not. But nevermind.. i tell myself.. we asked her to go pee again.. and give her more water.. and carry her from the bathroom to the tv room again.. and cajole her to bed again … but nope.. the kid wouldn’t sleep.
So by 12.30am.. she thinks she is cute.. we think she is not.. and ready to blow up.. and ready to start screaming at her.. but hate to do it.. because that is not good parenting right..?? so we reason with her.. and tell her that we are not letting Kate come babysit her the next day.. and all hell breaks lose because she starts wailing her lungs out. So i put on my sweater.. and tell her.. i’m leaving .. and more wailing.. and then she promises to sleep.. and she cleans up her tears.. and talk a little more.. and wants more hugs and kisses.. and then she falls asleep at 1.45am. So yes.. as much as we loved the brat .. with all our heart and ever breathe we take.. the kid wouldn’t sleep. Pray tell what can we do… and if you think we haven’t tried everything.. than you are wrong.. we’ve been trying for 5.5yrs.. and she just wouldn’t sleep at nite.. when we are around.
We stayed at Uncle Budd’s for the first nite .. when we were on our vacation. As usual Uncle Budd was very nice and we even met his friend .. and am very happy for him. This trip Chloe just took to Uncle Budd and his friend immediately – unlike the last time we were there, she woke up at 4am.. and wanted to go home.. and crying and whining and the works. As you can see, she was showing Uncle Budd how to work her DS. We didn’t stay for another nite because we wanted to be able to get a better night sleep with internet access and we had promised Chloe a hotel stay for her vacation. But it was definitely a nice visit.. and staying at Uncle Budd’s saved us a lot of money .. because that weekend was when Sir Paul McCartney was playing in Halifax’s commons.
So we are back from our vacation, a short one .. but that was all the time we could afford. We didn’t go very far.. but we did a lot .. more than we had for the last 5 yrs. With your own businesses and a child.. and years of ex-employees that had the “me first” attitude.. there was just no way to go anywheres. This year, we had Katelynn who double up as a part time employee at the store.. and looked after the store.. while we were gone. Yes, she followed instructions to the tee .. and we had no problems with her manning the store.. for she is trustworthy. On top of it.. we had our good friend, Gary come see look.. and help Kate when it was busy – during the days we were gone. Grateful for good friends.. and finally a good employee – we are going for another short break in August before the summer ends. So while PB bought some golf training aids for himself, he bought me this handmade necklace. Love it..!! and he insisted on paying for it.. so i’m happy.
We started our vacation with very good weather.. and we woke up early enough.. and headed out before noon. Our first stop was Digby – a town 45 mins away from us.. and it is a very beautiful place as you can see. The ocean, boats and whale watching and many eateries for seafood – known for its famous scallops. No we didn’t have scallops.. but food was good.. and the portion were huge. It was a really good start albeit the fact that PB had a bad tummy last nite.. and this morning.. when we started off.
After lunch, we took a short walk around town.. and had some ice cream.. before we headed to our next stop.. the zoo..!!! I had rum and raisin ice cream.. the first.. after so many years. And no they donch have rum and raisins here.
So I went for a haircut with a new hair stylist because the one I go to .. is too busy to return my call. Yes.. i had been trying to get ahold of her.. but nope.. no luck for more than a month. So finally, I got myself an appt with another hairstylist in town. She did a great job .. and i really like her. But was amused and amazed … when she asked me.. if everyone in Singapore was poor. I donch know how i should have reacted..?? But that probably explains why when i first came to Canada, the employees we had said stuff like ” I was rescued from poverty” muahahhahaha!!!! I guess they really must think we lived in attap houses. For those who are not aware of this.. the place I am living in .. is prolly like the 80s in Singapore. We have no high rise here.. like in Asia. The tallest building here is 5 – storey tall – of course in the city about 4 hrs they have taller ones.. but not as tall as the ones back home.
Is it ignorance..?? or what..?? am i offended..?? nah.. but quite amused lor .. truth be told.. that the ppl in Canada.. donch know where Singapore is.. nor know that we are the 5th richest country in the world.. and our government has a $170.3billion in reserve. Singapore is highly cosmopolitan and diverse with Chinese people forming an ethnic majority with large populations of Malay, Indian and other people. Well, there you have it.. so if anyone ask me.. i’ll show them this post.. muahahahhaha!!! very amusing eh – Canadians we are talking about here.
For those who are not aware of this, I was approached by immigration lawyers about a year ago to share my experiences with others like myself who had fallen in love with someone other than your own country or those thinking of migrating to Canada. Am I compensated for it..?? nope.. but i feel good helping others out.. and if you know me .. you would know that I’m that kind of person. But for those “idiots” out there.. i have no patients with them nor do I want to associate myself with them. My philosophy in life is .. why bother or waste time on non-important stuff and “A-holes”.
Ok.. lets get back to the immigration stuff. Most ppl asked me .. how I made the decision .. and what made me decide to uproot – afterall, we all know that Singapore is a place with everything and anything. Is love really blind..?? Is love enough to sustain a long lasting relationship…??? Migrating is no laughing matter, nor was it an easy decision to stay and not go back home, like buying some toy. I have been in Canada.. for almost 10 yrs now .. and before coming to Canada.. I was in a 6 yrs long distance relationship with my spouse.
I cannot speak for other men in Canada.. but my spouse is a pretty simple and straightforward person.. who doesn’t believe in even telling white lies. Having said that.. it’s not like he fights with me .. all the time.. just to get his point across but he rather .. not fight.. and let me go on a rant.. every now and then.. if i so wish to. As the years went by .. it gets a little harder.. because i do miss home.. and i do miss the food from home. But had i not come.. i wouldn’t have such a beautiful daughter.. who is my greatest accomplishment.
So do you listen to your heart or your head..??? I have no regrets .. and if i had to turn the clock back.. i would rather had him come to Singapore.. but love is a strange thing eh..?? so if you are thinking of migrating.. you will have to weigh your pros and cons.. but make sure that whatever you do, you have to be very sure.. the person you are gonna be with .. is not psycho or a serial killer.. or a woman beater.. or will mentally torture you. Harsh as i may sound, it is for your own safety.
As Chloe grows older day by day, we also learn different things as parents. But like all new parents – we consider ourselves new .. because she is our only child .. and we never had the experience nor expertise .. in bringing up another kid.. nor were educated for it – it is amazing how much we learn from this child of ours.. and how much we want to better ourselves to teach her the best and the right thing.
As awesome as any kid can be.. i’m sure – parents do not want to admit that their kid can turn into a brat just overnite.. and our chloe can be.. if she wants to be. But like any kid who is 5.5yrs old, one need to realise.. that it is all a learning experience for her too. A child do not know how to express themselves appropriately, they only know how to show how they are feeling truthfully albeit it may not be the best way or the correct way. That’s why God created parents donch you think..??
Being the only child can sometimes be hard because she is so protected – hell we even send her to day camp with her babysitter. So if she was a sore loser, that can be understandable.. but that does not mean that it should carry on. So when Chloe only wanted to win in everything whether a game with the sitter or a game with a friend who was visiting, we told her that she cannot be a sore loser. In which her respond was .. ” WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA …!!!! Jenny said i was a sore loser too..!!!”
Alrighty..!!! so we know we had to steer my kid into the right direction and the right response from us is very important at this stage. I bet many of you know where i’m coming from eh and in fact asked yourselves .. what demon actually possessed your kid .. at that moment.. right..?? hahhahahaha!!! fear not..!! for experts said it is normal behavior for a child as young as ours.
So what do you do..?? you asked yourself..?? when you child have an outburst or blow up..?? steer clear your clear of competitive situation..?? or give your child a treat.. and distract them..?? Banning games or distracting them or not encouraging competition are all not good ideas – our job as parents is to teach them to express respectfully and the younger you start, the better it is. It is recommended that you empathise and ask if they need an alone time to cry and to cool off, talk to them about a more appropriate way to express themselves. Allowing both kids to win by yelling “Tie!” is also another alternative and explaining to your kid that both can win even if they come in second and their friend first. All the positive re-enforcement .. eh..?? Focus on pointing out the good stuff, like “that was a nice move!” or “good try!” and always make sure that you tell your kid .. having a good time and good sportmanship is more important than winning .. and by the time they are older.. they will know that winning feels good.. but even if you donch win, it’s alright..! they had fun.. and that’s what matters most. I hope my experience help others…. therefore i’m penning it down. Good luck..!!! and no… your kid is not evil..! hahhahahaha!!!
So we finally bought our patio set from my favorite store in town. It was on sale.. and it was a no tax day. For those who are not aware of this, in Canada – taxes are like 13% – pretty high in my opinion.. for a place where one can get a new landed property for as low as $125K as compared to home of $1.3 million. Back home where the standard of living is higher.. the GST we paid were mostly included in the price that we see .. and only at 3%.
Why did we wait so long to get the patio set..?? because we are pretty el cheapo.. and only feel that we will only buy things at the right price.. and not necessary the right time. So PB put it together.. one evening when it was really hot in the house. Glad the man is very handy .. and can do stuff like this on his own. Oh.. and special thanks to Uncle Jerry for helping us bring the patio set home from Superstore.
