I have more white hair sprouting out this year – than any other years that I’ve noticed – I guess I cannot deny the fact that I’m getting on with my age – 45 *sigh*. The spouse say it’s just a number and you are how you feel – and how you take care of yourself. But with aging comes knowledge and a serene feeling because I’m in a good place. I really cannot ask for a better half – and having Chloe is already an abundant blessing. But having say all that I also want to boost my health to keep up with the little brat and want to live a long live to see her get marry and have kids of her own and help her to take care of her kids. I hear that hgh supplements can do all that and reverse signs of aging as well, therefore, I am going to ask my doctor about it and get the supplement to help me stay on top of things.
The Teenage Years
I haven’t been sleeping good recently and keep thinking of Nick – PB’s nephew who took his own life recently. Just the other night I dreamt about Nick and I was trying to hold on to him – when I woke up I couldn’t go back to bed. I told PB about it – and his reply was – ” don’t loose sleep on that selfish prick!” I was kinda taken aback – because people who take their own life – do it because they think they have no hope – some do it because they have an imbalance in their body. And whatever reason Nick took his own life I don’t know and never will. But people who resort to this – is not to be taken lightly – it’s a kind of sickness – sometimes it is not even within their control.
I fully understand why some people cannot tolerate this action or selfishness – some may even be angry with them. But let me tell you – this condition is not to be taken lightly – and they are not even in control with what they are thinking at that time. Teenage years are not the same – don’t compare yours with theirs – because things are just different. So parents – be alert – be careful – and be supportive, learn to listen – and learn to be there for them always.
I’m An Action Mom !
I’m an action mom! are you? while PB is very relax about stuff – I’m the action one – I like to do things quickly – pick up the phone and find out all the information about it – and get things done. And I pride myself for it – unfortunately, it also bugs me that PB is so relax – and seems like waiting for things to happen and not making things happen. Am I do doer? or am I just overly excited about stuff? I think a balance is good – but when things don’t get done – it kinda makes my heart raise its heartbeat – I don’t know if you know what i mean. But yes ! i’m an action mom! and being an action mom can sometimes caused one to loose lots of sleep. What kind of mom are you?
Busy At The Store
While most business in this town is affected by the lack of tourism this year – we have been blessed – we continue to be busy most days at the store. This year, we also see a new trend in our customer/s because of the close down of a movie/game rental place in town – we’ve been busy on that front too. So much so that my exercising had been quite irregular. I don’t like feeling fat – I don’t like feeling tired at all, now if only someone can recommend me some weight loss pills that work for sure – i would go get them. I’m not against exercising – but having to work – cook two meals for the kid – and then having to come home and do tons of housework – bathe her and then do her homework with her – leaves me very little time and strength. Some help is good of course – not like i’m going to over do it – just some help to get me started again – and feeling good about myself. Time to go talk to the pharmacist.
She’s Almost 7 !
As we sit and watch our daughter Chloe sleeping in her little couch bed in the tv room – we cannot helped but wonder where the time flew. She is almost 7 years old a month from now and even though it doesn’t seems so long – she is really growing up. Chloe can be so sweet at times and other times so bratty – but she is only but 7 yrs old right?
I remember my own God-daughter Sandy – when she was about younger than Chloe – she was a lot worst – but she is all grown up now and in college and outgrew all her brattiness too. I hope to continue to do a good job with Chloe – bring her up to be an honest person with integrity. She is a miracle – and i remind PB all the time. I don’t want to miss out on anything with Chloe – I don’t want her to feel like we are too busy with work. Balance i hope to find in our lives – balance.
Dealing With Grief
Nick’s funeral is tomorrow – as I logged into facebook and see how the well-wishes from his friends – i know he was a very popular fella and very loved and liked. As I sit here – thinking of Nick – I also remembered what my family doctor had said yesterday about dealing with grief. Am I grieving for Nick? if I am – how would his family be dealing with it? if it is hard for me – it must be 1000 times harder for them. My heart goes out to the extended family.
We are unable to attend Nick’s funeral tomorrow – because Chloe was all nerves going on the airplane. I wished we could go – to show our support – afterall, this is what family is all about right? I wanna send him off and say my goodbyes too – but in a way – this may be better – because already I cannot forget his face. For the last few days – I see Nick’s face everywhere, I am dealing with his lost too and although we don’t see him often – my heart just feels so heavy – an unanswerable sadness deep within.
My doctor wants me to talk to my therapist about it – she said it was very important to do it – because grieve comes in different level and stages and in the years to come – there may be things we can do for the extended family as well. Grief – how do one deal with a death – so young and so, so sad.
Trip To The City With A Girlfriend
Many years ago – before coming to Canada – I would be in search for a girlfriend to go for trips to the city – for shopping or just a short vacation, but none to be found – because they were either too busy – or they had to bring along their boyfriends. Now in Canada – I had never gone out with my girlfriends – because I have Chloe and a spouse – so it’s different. So when a girlfriend who just got her new car asked if I wanted to do a day trip with her to the city – I jumped at the chance. Her car insurance will be finalized within the next day and she is all set to make her maiden trip with her new car to the city.
I’m kinda excited because I never go anywhere without PB for the last 11 yrs – so a day trip by car is a great way to start becoming independent again. Plus I’m sure PB can handle both the store and Chloe for a day – maybe will ask Grammie to come help, I’m pretty excited actually – hahah! silly me eh. For someone who had traveled the world for work – this to some may be amusing – but yes ! it’s the first time I’m going outta the town without PB or Chloe.
Sudden Death
Yesterday was one of the worst days in my life ! a sudden death in PB’s family – PB’s 18 yrs old nephew passed away suddenly – unexpected – we still have no idea how he died yet and may never know I was told by his aunt. How? why? when? all these ran thru’ my mind the whole day. And even though I was smiling and tending to our customers at the store – I can’t helped but think of Nick and if there was something we could’ve done to prevent this?
We saw him last summer and he was such a nice boy – although I sense a bit trouble but hey! which teenager doesn’t have some right? So I let it go and minded my own business – for I’m known to be outspoken and being a busybody and nosey. Should I have offered him a job here at our store and kept him close ? so many things are going thru’ my mind right now. Look at how handsome this young man was! my heart hurt a lot ! I can’t imagine what his parents are going thru’ – what about his brothers? Oh Nick! I wished you could have reached out to someone and talked with someone and get help.
I’m taking a lesson from this – and must remember to be diligent with Chloe – teenage years are harder than we think – or have gone thru’ ourselves. 18 yrs is a long and hard time to bring up a child and lose him over night. I never wished this upon any parents! Oh God! please help me to be a diligent mom, give me patience with my daughter. Remind me to make time for Chloe always. RIP Nick! RIP ! we’ll always remember you and love you!
The Leblanc’s Made Halloween Possible For Chloe
We don’t have a lot of friends here – but the ones we called friends are always kind to us especially chloe and they are steadfast – and genuine. Chloe didn’t get to go out for Halloween because she was sick – puking and feverish. She was very upset of course that she didn’t get to dress up and get treats – but yu see when the Leblanc’s didn’t see us show up at their doorsteps like we used to – they arrived at the store the next day with Halloween goodies for Chloe! Oh ! the leblanc’s are just so kind to Chloe – and definitely made Halloween for Chloe. Chloe loved her Halloween treat bags and thanks to the Leblanc’s they made it easier for her to forget she didn’t get to go out on Halloween day.
I See The Goodness In My Child
A few days ago Chloe was sick – puking and feverish. Today she was feeling better and wanted to have a sucker but I didn’t know if she could have it or not. So she told me to type on the puter and find out whether she can eat the sucker or not – hahahha! too funny right? you see she had been watching us do that for the last few days – checking out on google to see what she can eat and what she cannot eat.
So when PB came back – I told him about the story – expecting him to say – oh yes! she is a smart one – instead he replied that she likes to push it when she feels a bit better. *rolled eyes* – yes! i see the goodness – the cuteness and smartness in my child – but even her daddy doesn’t see the same – they see the naughtiness in her first. *sigh*. Even when she was sick – a few days ago – she wrote little messages to keep me happy, so that I won’t be so worried about her. I see the goodness and kindness in my child – can you?