Category: Family/From the Heart

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Abusive Relationships

As I sit and write this – I cannot but feel as heavy-hearted as the stone sink we bought – for all these women/friends who have/have had abusive relationships and still continues to be abused as I write. As clear as paper to you and I – they seems to not see it – that they need to leave such abusive relationship. And as a friend – you want to help them by talking some sense into them – but where do one begin especially when they are just friends.

I’m grateful that I’ve found someone who would never be abusive towards me or my child – but I cannot say the same for some of the men – we have back home – for I myself – have seen abusive relationship myself. My sister’s ex-husband was an abusive man too – not only was he verbally abusive – he was physically abusive too. But no matter what i said or how i tried to help – she never left him – till she met another men. I was young then – and didn’t think it was right that she was having an affair when she was still married – but now that I’m 45 – well, i see it altogether in different light. I am not saying it was right but if it’s the only thing that would save your sanity then do it!

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Speech Therapy

So we were at school early today and I chatted with Chloe’s home room teacher about how she was coping in school. She said Chloe was doing well – but there were some words that Chloe don’t seems to be able to pronounce and recommended that we let Chloe see a speech therapist in the school. It’s free – all we have to do is to sign the consent form. I agree that there are some words that Chloe don’t pronounce properly – but she is only 6 and technically – this is the first year she is in real school. When she was in pre-school – Miss Tish had said she understood Chloe perfectly and that we didn’t have to worry.

Frankly speaking, we really don’t mind – if Chloe do get extra help right? but it’s Chloe we are worried about – because remember her French teacher ? who put her in special class for everything? I’m afraid that it might evoke some unpleasant memories for Chloe thus making her fear going to school again – that’s our only concern. So as much as we wanna get that extra help – we are gonna sit it out this year and wait for next year – before we do anything. What are you thoughts?

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TV = Babysitter?

Guilty as charged! shame on us – i know – but yes – we do use the tv as the babysitter for Chloe and i’m sure all of you are not different too. Even though we try to argue that we put on only good shows or education shows for our kids – it’s time not to depend on the tv too much. Chloe is at the age – where she is bored when left alone – she can only watch a new show once – and then she won’t go back to it for a long time – well – except for Hannah Montana. So this year – we’ve enrolled her to lots of stuff – from hip hop dancing to reading classes at school and now that she is willing to go to her Grammie’s – it’s even better. So this summer – I don’t have to fret no more to send her to summer camp or look for a sitter for her. This summer – Chloe can be outdoors with Grammie & Grampie planting peas and strawberries and go to the beach with Aunt Helena. It is definitely a milestone for Chloe – I’m hoping to see more independence – thus the reason for all these extra classes – instead of a one to one sitter.

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Chores & Kids

Despite what you may think – kids needs to know she plays a very important role in her family and does great things for her perception of herself – when she helps with the chores. As for us, we started Chloe really young with her chores – we feel that it’s never too early to get her to pick up her own toys and pack up the study room before going to bed or bathing. We feel that when we hand responsibilities over to her – bit by bit, as she grows into them, she becomes independent, confident and kind. Whether she is at home, at a playdate’s house or even her grammie’s she never leaves without packing up her toys – and throwing her garbage away. Having said all the above, I wanna tell you, she has her moments too – where she would questioned why she needs to do this or that – so as parents – we calmly tell her that our home policy is – she can do anything with her toys – but when she is done with it – it’s her responsibility to clean them up.

Of course, cleaning up her own toys isn’t the only thing that Chloe does – we give her a little bit here and there and for example – when i am cooking – I asked her to help get my oyster sauce or ketchup or noodles or rice – you know stuff – little stuff that she can handle. So cleaning is not the ultimate chore – chores need to be fun too! And don’t forget to thank your kid when they’ve helped out – no matter how small they are.

Some parents might think – it’s way faster if our kids is outta our way – but slow down a minute parents – because doing chores together is a way for bonding – whether it is for the father and kid or mother and kid. Trust me – i’ve put PB and Chloe to task – and they work together so well and the bonding was priceless. Parents have to remember – chores for your kids is not only he/she cleaning up right – it’s about the act of doing it – it’s about teaching responsibilities. You try it ! and let me know.

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Discipling My 6 Yrs Old

Discipline NOW! is my strategy! As good as I wanna think Chloe is – she can be a brat at times. In fact – she can be pretty sassy – and tell you stuff like ” Oh no! you don’t !” when we threatened to take away something from her if she was misbehaving. At other times, she can be so rough – she can caused us a joint pain if we ain’t careful – because she is all over us and wants to be piggy backed or carried.

We take the coach approach with Chloe with what and how she can help us or her friends reach their goals. When something happened – whether in school or in a playgroup – we listen first and empathize – we do not interrupt her and after she have had enough of whining about it – we ask her “what could she do differently the next time?” – our goal is to help her learn from mistakes she made this time so she can do better the next time. But of course, it’s easier said than done – because she never wants to be wrong – so we have to use our words carefully.

But discipline is never easy, so whenever Chloe makes a mistake, we try to give her a second chance and explain what she has done wrong and remind her of the behavior we’d like to see. And of course, as parents – you have to give credit when credit is due – so don’t forget to pat her on her shoulder now – when she does it right. Cause and effect – is what we teach Chloe. Instead of revoking tv time in the night because she is late for school – we move our tv time earlier – that way it’s a win-win situation and the best consequences are the ones whereby Chloe learns something from it.

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I’m 45 !

So I turned 45 today ! a good friend from home asked me so how do I feel at 45? I had joked that I will be needing some age spot removal really soon – hahah!! and I sat back tonite and thought a little about what i did 20 yrs ago – and what were the difference. Well, 20 yrs ago – i just started out working in the hotel industry – i just came back from a very challenging 6 months 10 days experience at boot camp for my new job. I was recruited to become Management Trainee. Little did i know that less than 2 yrs – i would be in the position to head a department. It was exhilarating – i was working a good 16 hrs a day – and less than 6 months later – i was transferred to the global division and headed out with a Task Force to build hotels – around the Asia Pacific Region.

Yes, ! i traveled lots – met lots of friends and went to lots of parties – went to a lot of site inspections and had lots of hotel connections or insiders discount. But 20 yrs later – all those hotel friends – are still in the hotel – some are still the Chef Concierge and some have branched out to become Executive Chefs for other establishment. But what I’m trying to say is – while I’ve moved out of the hotel industry – worked for a foreign firm in Spain and lost all contacts with these people – because I could never put in the kind of dedication of 16 hrs a day work away from home.

I don’t party anymore – i don’t travel anymore – I still work a lot but very close the my daughter and my spouse but I have no regrets. If I had to turn the clock back – would I have done it differently? No – my daughter is priceless – had i not given up my life back home – i would never have had her. As i grow older and celebrate my quiet birthday every year – each year becomes more meaningful because of my family here and my online friends. I can boldly say that my online friends have more “heart” than those that i’ve gone thru’ thick and thins with when I was in the hotel industry. Just like this gift sent on my birthday – arrived all the way from the States but coming from my daughter’s Kai Mah – it’s not only the gift.. it’s the thought behind the gift – that I truly appreciate and am touched. You all know who you are .. and you all make my life and me a better person. Thank you for making my 45th birthday a great one!

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Terrible 6

So we were invited to our neighbor’s kid birthday like a few weeks ago at the bowling alley and here we thought – ahhhh.. it was gonna be a breeze. Afterall, the bowling alley is a familiar place and the lil’ brat is great with the neighbor’s kids too – and our dear friend works there – so what could go wrong right..?? Well, it was a Black Friday scene once again ! Yes ! the brat had a meltdown – and here we thought, we had it good – while the rest of the world – saw the terrible twos or threes in their kids – we didn’t see any. But is there such a thing as the terrible 6?

Like i said.. we had it easy for the longest time ever – no tantrums in the public nor any misbehaving. But she didnt’ wanna wait her turn to bowl – also because she didn’t know any of the kids there – but that’s no excuse right? So what do you do .. in order not to disrupt the birthday party? I don’t know about other parents – but i got our friend to open another lane for the lil’ brat .. so she could roll the bowling ball till her heart’s content.

But she certainly wasn’t let off easy when she got home – because as soon as she got home – we sat her down to explain to her that her behavior was bad and whey she had to share with others – so the story goes on. We also told her that we won’t be doing the same the next time she goes for another party at the bowling alley and if she fussed the way she did – she was going straight home and no more birthday parties. She said she understood – so we’ll see. So anyone has the terrible 6s ?? The Joy of Parenthood!! YAY!

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Chick Flick & Women

I came to a conclusion last nite about why women love their chick flicks – haha! now, now – i know what you are thinking – women just loves it – no reason/s – but there ISsssss..! it’s all because of our men! hahha!! i know what the men are gonna say – blame it on the men again ! hahahah!!! but it’s true – the reason why we women love the chick flick is because we are not getting enough romantic encounters from our own men – so we look into other ppl’s life – even though they are only a show – and may not be true – it’s ok to dream about it eh. Likewise – why some ppl would wear casually and others insist on branded clothings and handbags but some are comfy with urban clothes because they are just those who are pretty confident – it is what you want that you don’t have so you watch or wear them. Food for thought eh.

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A Kid Who Is Nervous About School

So March break is over and school started on Monday – unfortunately, Chloe didn’t go back to school because she had a fever on Sunday and we kept her in on Monday and Tuesday as well – just so she doesn’t pass anything to her school friends. How you wished all parents are like that eh..?? yes, we are thankful we work for ourselves that way we can always schedule our time and take care of Chloe whenever we can. But having said that we are so busy – we don’t even have time for zit remedies and sometimes a shower – why? because the kid is full of nerves going to her new school.

Seriously, we do not know why she is nervous about her new school – which actually isn’t new because she started out in this school in French immersion. Anyhow – what do you do with a nervous kid ? We have to stay calm and tell her that if she still doesn’t feel well – when she arrives at school grounds we will take her home. But as soon as she got to school, she didn’t complain no more about a painful tummy. I am keeping my fingers cross here – i know chloe is a very sensitive kid – and i feel she does remember what happened during her first year in this school. I keep telling myself .. 3 more months.. 3 more months.

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Things You Should Know Before Migrating

Canada is a great place to be if you are migrating – moreso, if you are a someone who has money and coming to Canada to start your own business. The government is very generous with their money – and medical is free here once you become a permanent resident. There are many things you can get here that I can get from home too like diet pill for women but before you migrate – just make sure you know where you are migrating to. Why? because i missed the convenience of having a food court a few feet away from home and of course food from home that I can’t even get unless I wanna drive 8 hrs to and fro to the city.

The winters are harsh in Canada and the summer is short – and if you are thinking that you can be lazy in Canada, well, think about it because jobs are hard to come by – as they give first priority to the people in Canada first. But knowing Asians I know it isn’t hard to get a job if we want to – it’s our accent that makes it somewhat harder – for although we think we speak perfectly ok – they still can’t get what you are saying at times. As for me – even though i’ve worked for foreign bosses all my life – some people still finds it hard to understand my kinda english. What else do i missed..?? the weather, the food, the shopping malls, the high tech buildings and of course the short vacation I can take – for once you own your own business – you are obligated to work all the time.