Category: The In-Laws

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Back To After School Program

We’ve decided to let Chloe go back to the after school program today because the weather was so nice – and also because of what happened last Sunday.  We went out to visit Grampie because her Godma came from Toronto but they were so tired – no one wanted to play with her.  Poor Chloe had so much energy but there was just no one who wanted to go out and play – PB did go out for a bit after a lot of sulking from Chloe but I felt so bad for her so I decided that the after school program would do her some good.  She came home all sun burnt but happy with all the things she did at the after school program and this time – they seems to take better care of her – so lets hope it will continue.  Poor Chloe without Grammie things are going to be a lot different – and all grammie’s sisters who promised to baked with Chloe and look out for her – well, we haven’t seen them since the funeral.  *sigh* – this summer is going to be a hard summer for poor Chloe.

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My Child Is Still Grieving

Chloe is still grieving for her grammie – we can’t talk about her grammie because it makes her sad – and at night she wants a hug from her grammie.  When she visits her grampie – she wants a hug from grammie before leaving but of course, she can’t get any hugs from her grammie.  She reminds us that her grammie didn’t give her a good bye hug before she died and she had been writing letters to her grammie and calling out for her when she plays.

She knows that grammie is in heaven now but she cannot understand how it can be better in heaven when she cannot see her grammie nor her grammie sees her.  She knows her grammie loves her but she misses her deeply.  I grieve with my child and I wished I know how to say the right thing – but I could only think of all the things she cannot do with grammie anymore.  Very sad indeed.

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Spring Cannot Come Sooner

It had been a really trying month for us – the entire family – i can’t wait for the warmer weather to come – and for us to get out of this deary mode.  With what had happened recently in our family – I’ll say we need a lot of warmth and sunshine.  This year I think I might just be responsible taking care of the boys at home since now that the mother-in-law is gone.  I saw some carhartt shorts  and thought of the spouse, the brother-in-law and the father-in-law and wonder to myself if i should buy it for them.   Before when the mother-in-law is around I didn’t worry about any of the boys because after all, she is the mother and I’m not and I had it good then.  She would do everything for them – from knitting socks to buying their underwear. Now I’m going to have to look out for the rest of the boys because I know that’s what my mother-in-law would want.  So when I shop for the spouse now – I would think of the father-in-law as well as the brother-in-law.

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The Funeral

Yes!  the day has come to say our final goodbyes to Grammie – a very sad day for all of us.  We rushed to get some funeral clothes for PB and myself – and for Chloe – we already have something for her to wear.  The funeral home was filled with people and Grammie looked as good as it gets.  Chloe was afraid to see her grammie at first but after a while she went to say her final goodbyes.  When they closed the casket I was so filled with sadness and I couldn’t helped myself and sob like a baby.  It was just all too sad for me.  Sad for Chloe and sad for my father-in-law who lost his constant companion of 45 years.

It was sad for me because of all the things Chloe would missed out on now that Grammie is gone.  And even though I lament all the time tht Grammie did not spend enough time with Chloe – now it is more real that there is no time at all for Chloe with her Grammie.  I was counting on Grammie to help me raise Chloe but all that hope is gone.

I lost my own Grandmother when I was 9 yrs old but I don’t quite remember her because she didn’t love me as much as Chloe’s Grammie did for Grammie.  They would hugged, they would kissed, they would cooked together and baked together and dig dirt together or go into the gardens together and pick peas but everything is gone now – no more special time with her Grammie.  No one can replaced what her Grammie do with Chloe – it’s just all too sad for us.

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That Dreaded Call Came

It was still dark outside and rightly so – since it was only 6am – the phone rang – i didn’t want to pick it up because I knew what it meant and PB didn’t wake up from the ringing at all.  The next time it rang – I woke PB up to pick up the phone and yes, Grammie wasn’t going to make it – she was going.   PB’s aunts had called and  told him that they had taken out her drips because she was gurgling water out from her mouth and they didn’t think that it was going to help her.  The nurses figured it would be between 2 – 4hrs.  We called the father-in-law immediately to let him know and we got prepared to wake Chloe up and send her to school first before going to say goodbye to my mother-in-law.

Another call came at 8am and the hospital wouldn’t talk to me – PB was in the toiletttttttttttt!!!  and yes – by the time we called back – Grammie had left.   We sent Chloe to school and then we went to the hospital – Grammie laid there all still and her hands and fingers were turning black and so was her face.  The cancer had taken completely over – it was just so sad because she wasn’t ready for it and she was excited about her trip to New York this year and also wanting to get her first pension cheque.   I know she was worried for Chloe and rightly so because we didn’t know how Chloe would take the news.  We dreaded it.

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Hanging Onto Grammie

Yes, chloe is desperately hanging on to Grammie and hoping that she will get well – but at this point of time we knew it wasn’t going to happen.  But Chloe drew and drew and drew and drew fairies and put on good wishes for her grammie.  My heart breaks for my daughter and wished for a miracle.  I even asked God to heal Grammie – and I’ll give up all my Chinese food.  But Grammie is getting worst by the day – she isn’t even talking to us no more.  We are currently preparing Chloe for her Grammie’s passing, she doesn’t like it and who does and she still asking for pixie dust to be sprinkled on Grammie – so that Grammie can get well soon.

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My Doctor Moved Again

Yes, our family doctor is now on her own – coming from another country – and practicing here in the West must be some different for her – but she did go thru’ the usual attachment with a well-known doctor here for about a year and now – she has moved into her own clinic.  I don’t know if they have malpractice insurance here in Canada but i know a place that is highly recommended for doctors in USA.  And while I don’t really understand why they need malpractice insurance before – I now understand it much better.  Why?  because my MIL is currently in the hospital with an enlarge liver – this morning – we had called her in the hospital and she had said that some of her test results are out but inconclusive because now the doctor is saying that the cancer may be coming from her uterus.  From I don’t know where the cancer is coming from – to searching for the primary source of the cancer – it has been 10 days now – since she was first admitted.

We are of course at this time a little frustrated and very worried and am wondering if the doctor is right or wrong but more tests is called for – now my MIL has to see a liver specialist as well as a gynecologist. I guess so many other specialist are asked to come in and give their opinion because my mother-in-law’s family doctor must want to be on the safe side and not get sued for diagnosing wrongly – plus it almost seems like he doesn’t really want to talk to the family but his patient – why?  maybe he doesn’t want to answer so many questions of ours?  So yes, I understand the malpractice insurance now.

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Chloe Dealing With Grammie Who Is Sick

When Grammie got sick – I had asked Chloe how she feels about Grammie being sick and in the hospital – being the new age mom – I learned that we have to talk to our kids about things they don’t comprehend and don’t know how to go about asking about it.  We bring Chloe to visit her grammie everyday since she was admitted to the hospital and she make it her plan to read to her grammie in the hospital – I thought that was a very good idea – and she enjoys showing off her reading skill.

So how is Chloe coping with her grammie’s illness?  first of all she doesn’t know that Grammie is very sick – we told her that Grammie is in the hospital to do more tests and to find out what is wrong.  Chloe said she is a little sad and hopes that Grammie discharge soon because she doesn’t like visiting Grammie in the hospital.  She asked me one night – if Grammie was going to be alright – and I had told her that yes, Grammie is going to get treated and she will be as good as new or somewhat new.

Chloe is very closed to her Grammie – more than her grampie – so if anything happens to her Grammie, I think she will be scared forever.  So I’m really praying hard that Grammie will be treatable and that she will lived a long, long time. As for now, we are telling Chloe to have hope and to pray.

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Not Good News On Grammie

So we haven’t really grasped what is going on with Chloe’s grammie health yet.  We spoke to her doctor after she had her scan and it’s not good news.  Her liver is enlarged and they suspect that she has cancer and not only in one spot.  I’ve asked her doctor if we had anything to worry about – and if it was treatable but he wasn’t sure it was just one spot – like in its late stages – from what I understand.  So we are currently all in shocked and don’t know what to think or do.

But after a night of restless sleep, I’ve decided that I’ve to be strong for PB and his family – and have to think positive and make sure I send positive thinking to them to.  More tests is asked for now and we are just waiting for a biopsy and another more thorough CT scan.  Hopefully, after that we will get to know more.  In the meantime, we are just praying hard that Chloe’s grammie will fight this, coz’ I don’t know how it would affect Chloe if anything is to happen.  Chloe’s grammie is only 64 and I know we weren’t expecting this at all.

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East Meets West Upbringing Of A Child

I have to constantly remind myself that there is cultural difference between PB’s upbringing and our Chinese upbringing and our values.  Today is Tuesday and Grammie didn’t come to the store like she would – probably because she didn’t have a ride to town.  And since Chloe didn’t go to Grammie’s on Sunday because of a birthday party and didn’t go the week before because Grammie was busy – that means she didn’t really get to spend any quality time with her grandparents.

In our chinese culture, it’s important to let the grandchildren visit their grandparents and let the kids bond with their grandparents.  To me when I had Chloe – I had this beautiful dream of Chloe growing up with loving grandparents and spending lots of time with them – shopping, going around town and doing stuff together.  But alas, that did not happened – for the first 6 – 7 yrs of Chloe’s life – she wouldn’t visit her grandparents without us around.   Now that she would – her grandparents are very busy themselves – because they have to work and they do have a life of their own too.

Of course, I understand that and had come to terms with the fact that Western grandparents do not expect what the Eastern grandparents would want and expect us to do.  But it’s Chloe who doesn’t understand why her Grammie didn’t come visit and even though we explained to her many times – she still feel sad everytime she doesn’t visit for a few hours – or when she doesn’t get to visit her grandparents. I’ve  brought Chloe up to be a very loving child – if you’ve met her personally, you would know that she is friendly and loving to just about anyone.   She can give a tour of the house to her father’s friend – without the other person asking, so I figured she must feel sad whenever her grammie doesn’t visit when she is supposed to.  *sigh*.