Category: Useful Links 101

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Abusive Relationships

As I sit and write this – I cannot but feel as heavy-hearted as the stone sink we bought – for all these women/friends who have/have had abusive relationships and still continues to be abused as I write. As clear as paper to you and I – they seems to not see it – that they need to leave such abusive relationship. And as a friend – you want to help them by talking some sense into them – but where do one begin especially when they are just friends.

I’m grateful that I’ve found someone who would never be abusive towards me or my child – but I cannot say the same for some of the men – we have back home – for I myself – have seen abusive relationship myself. My sister’s ex-husband was an abusive man too – not only was he verbally abusive – he was physically abusive too. But no matter what i said or how i tried to help – she never left him – till she met another men. I was young then – and didn’t think it was right that she was having an affair when she was still married – but now that I’m 45 – well, i see it altogether in different light. I am not saying it was right but if it’s the only thing that would save your sanity then do it!

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Chloe’s Special Friend

So we went to school early today and we even managed to go on our treadmill before leaving for school. We saw one of Chloe’s classmate and I had asked Chloe to say “hi” but instead of doing so – she was very upset about it and told us defiantly that her friend would not understand her. We were shocked and tried to reason with Chloe but she would not take our explanation that even if her classmate understands differently from her – it’s ok to say “hi” to her. Chloe didn’t let it go and insisted that her special friend was being bad – because she ran outta class one day and made the teachers panic. We didn’t pursue it then because it was time to get into class – but we had to make it a point to explain to her about this special friend and that she needs to be more tolerant and that what she said can hurt her friend’s feelings and those of her parents who were right behind us. So when she came back from school today – we sat her down and explain that she had to be kind to her all her friends and even if she has a friend who is different – it makes no different and she needs to learn to be kind – because it’s not nice to call a fat person fat. How much did she understand it? we don’t know but we will keep monitoring and making sure she knows she needs to be kind.

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Racism In Canada

My girlfriend from Hong Kong who is planning a trip to visit me this summer for supplements – asked me about how the “ang mohs” treats me here in Canada – if there was racism in Canada. I had replied that – there is no more than any other places and that the people are generally ok – and treated me with respect – I think more so because we own our own business and they sorta see me as a respectable figure – albeit the fact that I’m still the Crazy Chinese Woman in Canada – HAHA!

But I’ve spoken too soon – when I was reminded of the hate crime – so widely publicized recently about a Nova Scotia woman who awoke to the sight of a burning cross on her lawn and then her car was torched. And then last nite a customer of the store was told off on Facebook to “F” off and “F” back to China by someone who apparently lived in our midst – in our community. I do not know this person but I’m truly shocked to see such behavior and the fact that no one stood up and speak up for this customer. Everyone thinks it was a joke !!! I’m indeed shocked – and here i sit thinking – Chloe looks very Asian – what happens if this happen in school when she grows up or when she is out at the mall? Hate crimes and racism shouldn’t be taken lightly – i spoke to PB about it – and of course – he wasn’t too concerned because it was an isolated case – but i’m thinking ahead and trying to be pro-active and prevent what will happen in the future. What would you do in my shoe? would you be like the rest of the 7000+ members on FB and ignore it because it wasn’t you it was directed to? or would you speak up?

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Discipling My 6 Yrs Old

Discipline NOW! is my strategy! As good as I wanna think Chloe is – she can be a brat at times. In fact – she can be pretty sassy – and tell you stuff like ” Oh no! you don’t !” when we threatened to take away something from her if she was misbehaving. At other times, she can be so rough – she can caused us a joint pain if we ain’t careful – because she is all over us and wants to be piggy backed or carried.

We take the coach approach with Chloe with what and how she can help us or her friends reach their goals. When something happened – whether in school or in a playgroup – we listen first and empathize – we do not interrupt her and after she have had enough of whining about it – we ask her “what could she do differently the next time?” – our goal is to help her learn from mistakes she made this time so she can do better the next time. But of course, it’s easier said than done – because she never wants to be wrong – so we have to use our words carefully.

But discipline is never easy, so whenever Chloe makes a mistake, we try to give her a second chance and explain what she has done wrong and remind her of the behavior we’d like to see. And of course, as parents – you have to give credit when credit is due – so don’t forget to pat her on her shoulder now – when she does it right. Cause and effect – is what we teach Chloe. Instead of revoking tv time in the night because she is late for school – we move our tv time earlier – that way it’s a win-win situation and the best consequences are the ones whereby Chloe learns something from it.

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I’m 45 !

So I turned 45 today ! a good friend from home asked me so how do I feel at 45? I had joked that I will be needing some age spot removal really soon – hahah!! and I sat back tonite and thought a little about what i did 20 yrs ago – and what were the difference. Well, 20 yrs ago – i just started out working in the hotel industry – i just came back from a very challenging 6 months 10 days experience at boot camp for my new job. I was recruited to become Management Trainee. Little did i know that less than 2 yrs – i would be in the position to head a department. It was exhilarating – i was working a good 16 hrs a day – and less than 6 months later – i was transferred to the global division and headed out with a Task Force to build hotels – around the Asia Pacific Region.

Yes, ! i traveled lots – met lots of friends and went to lots of parties – went to a lot of site inspections and had lots of hotel connections or insiders discount. But 20 yrs later – all those hotel friends – are still in the hotel – some are still the Chef Concierge and some have branched out to become Executive Chefs for other establishment. But what I’m trying to say is – while I’ve moved out of the hotel industry – worked for a foreign firm in Spain and lost all contacts with these people – because I could never put in the kind of dedication of 16 hrs a day work away from home.

I don’t party anymore – i don’t travel anymore – I still work a lot but very close the my daughter and my spouse but I have no regrets. If I had to turn the clock back – would I have done it differently? No – my daughter is priceless – had i not given up my life back home – i would never have had her. As i grow older and celebrate my quiet birthday every year – each year becomes more meaningful because of my family here and my online friends. I can boldly say that my online friends have more “heart” than those that i’ve gone thru’ thick and thins with when I was in the hotel industry. Just like this gift sent on my birthday – arrived all the way from the States but coming from my daughter’s Kai Mah – it’s not only the gift.. it’s the thought behind the gift – that I truly appreciate and am touched. You all know who you are .. and you all make my life and me a better person. Thank you for making my 45th birthday a great one!

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What Makes A Great Dad

We came home from work today – and chloe announced that PB is a good dad. So i asked her why – she thought PB is a good dad – in which she replied – that PB had gotten her paper aeroplane from behind the tv. So I said to her – “oh – so that’s why he is a good day? you mean if he didn’t get you the paper aeroplane – he isn’t a good dad?” She replied – “nooo.. ! he buys us food – make money for us, cook, bathe me and read to me” In which PB replied – “she is a smart girl” hahaha!! And yes, he would buy the kid a spirometer if she needed one “touch wood”

But yes ! what makes a good dad? during our father’s and forefather’s time, one could never imagine a dad doing so many things for their kid – moreso, Chloe is a gal. Time has changed and more and more dad plays a more important role in their kid’s life and do a lot more. I read on my friend’s blog the other day how she felt she was a unfit mother. We all know that Dads will never feel like that because they never beat themselves up over anything like we moms do. We are constantly worrying – constantly at our kid’s beck and call – but time has changed and it’s up to us women to ask for help. Do not be shy – do not beat yourself up if you need help. Do not beat yourself up if you are tired – or stress or need to scream – you are only human. Men who refuses to morally support the wife are just being stuck in the dark ages – and are just asking for more domestic trouble and emotional breakdown. Women are such sensitive creatures and may i add “mad”and “unreasonable” at times. A little help – a little hug- a little encouragement will definitely go a long way. But women!! make sure you ask for help – women who don’t wanna open their golden mouth or feel inadequate because you need help – are just asking to be sent to Woodbridge aka mental hospital.

In any relationship – it’s an uphill task – it’s important that both party spend time talking – it’s important that men try and understand their wives and wives try and tell the husbands nicely what they actually want done today or this week – he ain’t no mind-reader – we all know that men don’t like to play games. So the moral of my story is – no one is an unfit parents – we all have to work hard to be good parents – we all love our kids and wives (if you don’t then stop reading). So a medium – a balance is important. Your say now.

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Terrible 6

So we were invited to our neighbor’s kid birthday like a few weeks ago at the bowling alley and here we thought – ahhhh.. it was gonna be a breeze. Afterall, the bowling alley is a familiar place and the lil’ brat is great with the neighbor’s kids too – and our dear friend works there – so what could go wrong right..?? Well, it was a Black Friday scene once again ! Yes ! the brat had a meltdown – and here we thought, we had it good – while the rest of the world – saw the terrible twos or threes in their kids – we didn’t see any. But is there such a thing as the terrible 6?

Like i said.. we had it easy for the longest time ever – no tantrums in the public nor any misbehaving. But she didnt’ wanna wait her turn to bowl – also because she didn’t know any of the kids there – but that’s no excuse right? So what do you do .. in order not to disrupt the birthday party? I don’t know about other parents – but i got our friend to open another lane for the lil’ brat .. so she could roll the bowling ball till her heart’s content.

But she certainly wasn’t let off easy when she got home – because as soon as she got home – we sat her down to explain to her that her behavior was bad and whey she had to share with others – so the story goes on. We also told her that we won’t be doing the same the next time she goes for another party at the bowling alley and if she fussed the way she did – she was going straight home and no more birthday parties. She said she understood – so we’ll see. So anyone has the terrible 6s ?? The Joy of Parenthood!! YAY!

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Picky Eaters

So I was asked are picky eaters born or brought up to be one? We were invited to a birthday party today – and as usual – as m uch as the kid loves to go to parties – she refuses to eat anything at the party. Usually the parents would have fruits, pizza and pop for the party – even during chloe’s own birthday party – we had pizzas, chicken wings, fruits, chips but as usual – she won’t eat them.

The expert said that picky eaters are raised that way because of their parents but I can tell you that’s not true – in our household. We’ve encouraged and asked her to try everything and even bribe her to try new food – but nope – no way even if her life depended on it. So when I read on Parents Today while looking at some term life insurance quotes that picky eaters were made to be one – I cannot but shake my head – if only they knew how we’ve tried all ways to get Chloe to try all sorts of food. *sigh* – so for those parents like myself – don’t feel bad when you read the same article – i know it .. and you know it.

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Chick Flick & Women

I came to a conclusion last nite about why women love their chick flicks – haha! now, now – i know what you are thinking – women just loves it – no reason/s – but there ISsssss..! it’s all because of our men! hahha!! i know what the men are gonna say – blame it on the men again ! hahahah!!! but it’s true – the reason why we women love the chick flick is because we are not getting enough romantic encounters from our own men – so we look into other ppl’s life – even though they are only a show – and may not be true – it’s ok to dream about it eh. Likewise – why some ppl would wear casually and others insist on branded clothings and handbags but some are comfy with urban clothes because they are just those who are pretty confident – it is what you want that you don’t have so you watch or wear them. Food for thought eh.

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A Kid Who Is Nervous About School

So March break is over and school started on Monday – unfortunately, Chloe didn’t go back to school because she had a fever on Sunday and we kept her in on Monday and Tuesday as well – just so she doesn’t pass anything to her school friends. How you wished all parents are like that eh..?? yes, we are thankful we work for ourselves that way we can always schedule our time and take care of Chloe whenever we can. But having said that we are so busy – we don’t even have time for zit remedies and sometimes a shower – why? because the kid is full of nerves going to her new school.

Seriously, we do not know why she is nervous about her new school – which actually isn’t new because she started out in this school in French immersion. Anyhow – what do you do with a nervous kid ? We have to stay calm and tell her that if she still doesn’t feel well – when she arrives at school grounds we will take her home. But as soon as she got to school, she didn’t complain no more about a painful tummy. I am keeping my fingers cross here – i know chloe is a very sensitive kid – and i feel she does remember what happened during her first year in this school. I keep telling myself .. 3 more months.. 3 more months.