So I did not feel so well last nite at all – my lower back hurt so bad , my lymphedema seems worst and the pain wouldn’t go away. And just before i went to bed , my chest hurt so too… the place where I had my mastectomy. So of course, I immediately wonder if it had anything to do with my cancer. Could my cancer have spread to other places? Or could it have gone worst even though, the lump was taken out and the surgeon had said that the margins were good (even though I really don’t know what it meant). So yup! the fear of recurrence is real – so real – it almost scared the shit outta me.
But my fear is not unfounded as I’ve seen ppl go into remission and have seen ppl have a recurrence and fighting it again. It is not fun at all – this fear. A fear that almost makes you wanna puke. Not fun.
How do I feel this morning, somewhat normal but not all there yet? Oh, by the way, I took 2 Advil before bed hoping to get some rest. But I had all kinds of weird dreams last nite and woke up feeling not rested at all. So yes, I hear the fear never goes away once you’ve had cancer. But no I’m not gonna let my fear run my life! I’m gonna be happy! live my life to its fullest and never never give up.
So if you have friends/family recovering from Cancer, any type, be sure to help out especially around the house – with housework, even dishes – cause standing too long or sitting too much just doesn’t seem to do good for the body. Even if you think it’s something they can handle – something small, help. Even changing the trash. I hate asking for help, I feel that ppl around me should know but not true, so offer help even if it is just doing laundry, dishes, or cleaning the sink.