Author: mamabok

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Superwoman I’m Not

Nope, I ain’t no superwoman but it feels good to clean and purge the house because it is so needed. I think we accumulate too many things in our lives. And there are just too many things that we ain’t using and wasted our money on. If I could turn the clock back, maybe I would do things differently? I don’t really know but we do indulge in a lot of stuff as I can see when I’m purging. And that ain’t good. Hopefully, I’m able to change my habits and those of buying stuff for my kid because I didn’t get things I wanted when I was a kid and trying to compensate myself thru’ my kid.

Yes, I’m tired and I know I shouldn’t be doing so much (much for this instant because I’m recovering) but I can’t just sit and do nothing. Especially this lockdown , I ain’t gonna waste time like I did the last lockdown. No way … I better be useful if I didn’t have to go to work.

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Lockdown

Yup ! we have been placed on a lockdown for 2 weeks starting 3 days ago. But I think this time we are more prepared than the last one. At least the spouse and I are trying to do things that are useful for both the home and store. And the kid started her online learning today.

The spouse started going back to work and I started cleaning and purging the house and making ourselves useful. I’m hoping that this time around, we will make use of our “free” time effectively.

Wish us luck and pray that the lockdown is only for 2 weeks.

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Damn Covid Or Damn People ?

115 cases in 2 days !!! One year ago, we all were on lockdown because of Covid, you would think that ppl would smarten up but nope. When we heard that the Premier and Dr Strang were gonna go online on a Sunday, we knew that this cannot be good.

I’m surprised they are not closing schools for a while and if I were in the city, I ain’t letting my kid go to school or anywhere – that’s for sure. As we’ve heard that there may be potential exposure in our town, we ain’t letting our kid go to school already, and thus far, we’ve only heard about 1 case – confirmed here.

Folks really need to smarten up , else we will be wearing the mask and keeping 6 feet for a long, long time. I do not understand why ppl are risking their lives and those of their loved ones for a party or get – together, it is not worth it ! Ppl ! for the love of God !! please stop being silly !

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The Fear Is Real

So I did not feel so well last nite at all – my lower back hurt so bad , my lymphedema seems worst and the pain wouldn’t go away. And just before i went to bed , my chest hurt so too… the place where I had my mastectomy. So of course, I immediately wonder if it had anything to do with my cancer. Could my cancer have spread to other places? Or could it have gone worst even though, the lump was taken out and the surgeon had said that the margins were good (even though I really don’t know what it meant). So yup! the fear of recurrence is real – so real – it almost scared the shit outta me.

But my fear is not unfounded as I’ve seen ppl go into remission and have seen ppl have a recurrence and fighting it again. It is not fun at all – this fear. A fear that almost makes you wanna puke. Not fun.

How do I feel this morning, somewhat normal but not all there yet? Oh, by the way, I took 2 Advil before bed hoping to get some rest. But I had all kinds of weird dreams last nite and woke up feeling not rested at all. So yes, I hear the fear never goes away once you’ve had cancer. But no I’m not gonna let my fear run my life! I’m gonna be happy! live my life to its fullest and never never give up.

So if you have friends/family recovering from Cancer, any type, be sure to help out especially around the house – with housework, even dishes – cause standing too long or sitting too much just doesn’t seem to do good for the body. Even if you think it’s something they can handle – something small, help. Even changing the trash. I hate asking for help, I feel that ppl around me should know but not true, so offer help even if it is just doing laundry, dishes, or cleaning the sink.

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Searching For God At Our Convenience

Humans are weird – don’t you think. I used to make fun of a girlfriend who would go to church when she was separated from her husband years ago but when she got back together with her husband, she stopped going to church. So she conveniently forgot about God ? Or did she finished using God and had no need for him, now that she is happy again?

Well, well, little did I know, years later when I found out I had cancer, I bargain with God too, that if my biopsy wasn’t cancer, I promised to go to Church with my entire family every Sunday. I started praying too, I started reading the Daily Bread – I started seeking for God, seeking for His comfort, seeking for help.

Of course, I still had cancer, I still had to do chemo, I still had to do radiation and I still had to go thru’ all the horrid stuff but God did carry me thru’. And of course, like others, I too seek God at my convenience. I too conveniently forget to read our Daily Bread until later in the day. ( I do still get to it everyday) but I am less enthusiastic ? or has it become less important because we already made used of God for what we want?

Are all humans so selfish and only do things to benefit ourselves ? I’m trying not to be that kind of God believer. I do believe in a higher power, I do believe there is a God but I also gotta constantly remind myself, to not seek God only at my convenience and only when I need something. The Higher power isn’t there for that. So what is the Higher power there for ?

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4 Yrs Later

Yes, it had been quite a while since I last journal. I wonder why I stopped – was it because I was too busy or was it because I didn’t want some folks in this town to misconstrue what I wrote and take it wrongly.

But hey! at 56 years old and fighting cancer this very moment, I do not care what or who reads what and take things wrongly. I cannot be bothered. Life is too short to worry about other people. I live for now and for myself and my family not for you , or you or you.

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Easter Gifts For Chloe’s Teachers

You all know how I feel about thanking Chloe’s teachers every year during any kind of special occasions right?  Yes, and this year ain’t any different because Chloe’s teachers does a lot for her.  Afterall , these teachers spends like 6 – 7 hrs a day with my child and they nurture her and bring her up to be a proper human being, so how can I as a parent not show any appreciation right?

But this year , Chloe was afraid that her friends may think that she is bribing her teachers, in which I explained to her that it is in our culture to show gratitude to our teachers.  And this is not the first year we ‘ve been doing this , we do it every year.  So she shouldn’t feel this way at all , but the kid was reluctant until I spoke to some teachers who visits our store right in front of her about gifting for the teachers and they all agreed with me that all teachers will appreciate it.

Plus , when i show my appreciation , it is not just for one or two teachers , it is for all the teachers that is teaching chloe that very year.  So no one should feel slighted.  I had even wanted to give to the administrative staff but Chloe said she didn’t know them too , too well in this new school , so I didn’t.

So my questions is , does anyone do as I do these days?  or am I the only one?

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52 Years Of Age

Yes , I turned 52 years of age today and it’s kind of surreal for me.  Little did I know many years ago that I would be in Canada for this long.  I had thought that the spouse and kid will return home with me and live a happily ever life in Singapore.  LOL.

But the spouse is happy here and so is the little princess of mine.  Even though she doesn’t know that she is like a princess to us.  You see , we Asians don’t show the kids that we love them by smothering them , we chastise and we push them to aim for higher.

This year , I got loads of presents !  SURPRISED !! and yes , I’m darn loved over here okay ! hahahah!  but seriously , I am pretty much loved by a lot of people especially PB , the princess of mine and my sisters from another mother.   Truly grateful this year that I’ve so many people come wished me Happy Birthday and most importantly I have PB and Chloe with me.

 

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Is It Spring Yet ?

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Yes, is it Spring yet , I asked PB everyday.  You would think that I know better already to expect the weather to warm up so early in the year but one can always be hopeful right?  Afterall, we did have a very , very mild winter this year , in fact , I think we only had one big snow storm or maybe 2 ?

But I want Spring to hurry up and come because I have lots to do to prepare the cottage for summer and plan for a huge BBQ and also the arrival of my friends from home this summer.  I can’t wait to see some of them and hopefully, I can get Chloe’s godma from Singapore to come visit as well.  But my girlfriends from my Alma Mater are coming this summer and I cannot wait to host them.

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OMG ! It’s March 2016 Already !

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Yes ! Life happened !  And of course , we had a nasty virus on our blogs and websites that was encrypted into our blogs automatically and apparently the virus had been dormant till now.  The script was in place a few years ago as far as we can see it and all of a sudden, it decided to create havoc in all of our blogs.  The spouse took time to clean out all the blogs , and if you must know , I have more than a few blogs that I use for monetizing purpose.  Yes , yes ! I make money thru’ blogging – bite me !

 And of course, Chinese New Year came about and we had to co-ordinate the celebration with our Asian friends , plus Chloe had some health issues and a girlfriend had and online boyfriend issue that actually left me quite perturbed and lost of words.  But lesson to be learned her , never , never play match – maker online or offline because you are caught in the middle of it and boyyy!  you kenna shit for nothing.   But you also get to see who your true friends are and who’ve got your back, so all in all , it was a good lesson learned.  You would think at almost 51 years old , I would have seen it all and done it all and avoided it all right?  But nope !  I guess one can be stupid still at 51.

 Anyhow,  my consolations are , the spouse, the kid and many of my friends had been very supportive throughout it all and I cannot ask for a better spouse , kid and friends .  Like the saying goes, you can never lose a true friend, you just find out who are the ones who are not.  And business continue to thrive and I was featured recently in a local article on Facebook – stoke !  And I managed to get a massage , my hair colored , manicure , pedicure  and all kind of good stuff done to my body.  I even got to play catch up with my girlfriends.  But I learned how to take are of myself and my family first and always ask for help from your neighbors because I’ve got some awesome neighbors now.