I have more white hair sprouting out this year – than any other years that I’ve noticed – I guess I cannot deny the fact that I’m getting on with my age – 45 *sigh*. The spouse say it’s just a number and you are how you feel – and how you take care of yourself. But with aging comes knowledge and a serene feeling because I’m in a good place. I really cannot ask for a better half – and having Chloe is already an abundant blessing. But having say all that I also want to boost my health to keep up with the little brat and want to live a long live to see her get marry and have kids of her own and help her to take care of her kids. I hear that hgh supplements can do all that and reverse signs of aging as well, therefore, I am going to ask my doctor about it and get the supplement to help me stay on top of things.
The Teenage Years
I haven’t been sleeping good recently and keep thinking of Nick – PB’s nephew who took his own life recently. Just the other night I dreamt about Nick and I was trying to hold on to him – when I woke up I couldn’t go back to bed. I told PB about it – and his reply was – ” don’t loose sleep on that selfish prick!” I was kinda taken aback – because people who take their own life – do it because they think they have no hope – some do it because they have an imbalance in their body. And whatever reason Nick took his own life I don’t know and never will. But people who resort to this – is not to be taken lightly – it’s a kind of sickness – sometimes it is not even within their control.
I fully understand why some people cannot tolerate this action or selfishness – some may even be angry with them. But let me tell you – this condition is not to be taken lightly – and they are not even in control with what they are thinking at that time. Teenage years are not the same – don’t compare yours with theirs – because things are just different. So parents – be alert – be careful – and be supportive, learn to listen – and learn to be there for them always.
Busy At The Store
While most business in this town is affected by the lack of tourism this year – we have been blessed – we continue to be busy most days at the store. This year, we also see a new trend in our customer/s because of the close down of a movie/game rental place in town – we’ve been busy on that front too. So much so that my exercising had been quite irregular. I don’t like feeling fat – I don’t like feeling tired at all, now if only someone can recommend me some weight loss pills that work for sure – i would go get them. I’m not against exercising – but having to work – cook two meals for the kid – and then having to come home and do tons of housework – bathe her and then do her homework with her – leaves me very little time and strength. Some help is good of course – not like i’m going to over do it – just some help to get me started again – and feeling good about myself. Time to go talk to the pharmacist.
Dealing With Grief
Nick’s funeral is tomorrow – as I logged into facebook and see how the well-wishes from his friends – i know he was a very popular fella and very loved and liked. As I sit here – thinking of Nick – I also remembered what my family doctor had said yesterday about dealing with grief. Am I grieving for Nick? if I am – how would his family be dealing with it? if it is hard for me – it must be 1000 times harder for them. My heart goes out to the extended family.
We are unable to attend Nick’s funeral tomorrow – because Chloe was all nerves going on the airplane. I wished we could go – to show our support – afterall, this is what family is all about right? I wanna send him off and say my goodbyes too – but in a way – this may be better – because already I cannot forget his face. For the last few days – I see Nick’s face everywhere, I am dealing with his lost too and although we don’t see him often – my heart just feels so heavy – an unanswerable sadness deep within.
My doctor wants me to talk to my therapist about it – she said it was very important to do it – because grieve comes in different level and stages and in the years to come – there may be things we can do for the extended family as well. Grief – how do one deal with a death – so young and so, so sad.
When My Child Is Sick
Whenever Chloe falls ill – I feel like an incompetent mom – I feel that I could have done better. I wished I could keep her away from falling sick and puking and having a fever – and it worries me to death – I can’t sleep well at night when she is ill. But she is an awesome kid – when she is sick – she is not cranky or anything – she just wants to sleep.
Winter Is Coming Too Soon
It’s so cold for the last one week – we had to get oil put into the furnace and fired up the furnace today. Winter seems to be coming too soon this year – so i started reading more on glucosamine chondroitin msm – because I have mild arthritis. I think it is because after having Chloe – I never really did the 30 days confinement since I’m all alone in Canada. I had told PB about the confinement – and I had also told PB’s mother about the food that I needed to eat during the 30 days – but I guess they just don’t practice it. So whenever the weather start changing – cold like now – my bones hurt – not pain – but really sore. The price to pay eh – for migrating to such a cold place. If I could turn the clock back – I would want PB to go to Singapore and migrate there instead after all, my health is just as important as his career right?
A Fish Eater Who Won’t Eat Salmon
Chloe is a fish eater – but she refuses to eat salmon because it is not white in color. We all know that salmon is the best kind of fish to eat and I won’t fry the salmon – because I don’t like frying. I usually bake my fish – and wished she would eat some good fish instead of fish and chips. But nope – she refuses to eat my baked salmon – but when we order fish and chips – no problems at all – in fact – these days she eats more fish – than she did a year ago. What a strange little girl right?
More Exercises
Yes! rather than sitting and playing online mahjong to exercise the brain – i figured i would do 15 mins of step aerobics to see if my headache would go this morning. I only get to exercise after chloe sleeps at night – and sometimes – like last night she didn’t sleep till almost 10.35pm. So by the time, I am ready to exercise – it’s like 10.45pm – I’m tired and stressed out then. But exercising in the morning – doesn’t mean I am going to give up on the night exercise – it only means that I’m trying to get in as much as I can – since I love my food so much. I figured it’s better than just sitting for hours – after all, I already sit for the entire day.
Community Service
When I was much younger – my school used to make us do community service – to instill compassion in us ? I think anyway. So we would visit the blind – the orphanage – the old age home, I used to raise funds for these homes too and enjoyed it tremendously. Now that Chloe is in school, her school too brings her to visit the senior’s home – they don’t called it the old age home here. Chloe would come home and asked us why certain people are sick and why are they sick – how are they sick – when did they get sick. What is cancer? yes! lots of questions – and we all know that you can’t just give a flippant answer – for they are way smarter than we were – when we were kids.
But how do you tell a 6.5 yrs old about illness and pain and why they are in the senior’s home and not at home with their family? Yes! lots of tricky questions here and to be answered carefully – that’s for sure. After reading some parental guide magazines – I’ve decided to read up more on these illnesses before talking with Chloe about it. I’m also to keep it simple and be honest about it and be prepared for more questions – and if I didn’t know about it – I’m to be honest about it too. So wish me luck! what about you ? you come across any difficult questions yet? we have had quite a few of late – kids are really way smarter than we were – when we were kids. hahah!
Health Care Overseas
When I used to work for the hote industry and traveled because of work – I had my health insurance covered by them – so I wasn’t worried at all – should anything happen to me while I was traveling. But migrating overseas – thinking that my health plan is covered by MSI – I never thought of any health insurance till recently. Unlike my best friend in the States – who has health insurance in nc, I am unable to get massage for my anxiety attacks which was recommended by my psychologist yesterday. So if you are migrating overseas – make sure you have a health plan – even though you may not have anxiety attacks like I do – you never know what would your health be in a few years. I don’t know if i can still get a health insurance plan now – but I’m going try.