Category: Health

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, like everyone, I wonder if I did something wrong and what was it. Could it be too much coffee with heavy cream that I have been doing for the past 1 year because I wanted to change my diet to a no sugar , no carb diet ? Or could it be the heavy cream? I do drink a lot more coffee these days and wonder and sometimes blame myself for changing my diet. But when the lump on my breast grew, I was at my healthiest weight and my AIC for my Type 2 diabetes was as low as 5.2. So what could it be?

For the past 8 months, I have been reading, I have been researching, I’ve been talking to people who’ve survived breast cancer, who are in remission but I’ve yet to come up with a conclusion as to what it is that had caused my lump to grow so big suddenly and become painful.

But then it also dawn on me that I was in denial too, because before the lump grew bigger, I had noticed specks of blood from my nipples a couple of times and had ignored it. And then my lump was uncomfy and I had been upset with my kid one time because I sense something wasn’t quite right but had pushed it at the back of my mind because we were on Covid times and my doctor was in the city.

So could I have seen it coming and felt that it wasn’t that important and that the kid and not upsetting the spouse’s business were more important? Maybe and most likely since most women and mothers are very likely to make sacrifices like that. I often wonder if I acted more quickly, could I not have had a mastectomy ? The what ifs has been on my mind a lot of late, but there is no turning back to yesterday right? So therefore, i’m only gonna move forward and not think about it but making sure that I let all my doctors know if I find anything unusual from now on. I also learned that you’ve gotta take care of yourself because no one will as no one knows how you are feeling except yourself.

As for the too much coffee? I think everything in moderation is the right thing to do and also prevention is better than cure. So to my kid and all women out there , if you are reading it, please see a doctor as soon as you feel something ain’t right – trust your gut !

So I did not feel so well last nite at all – my lower back hurt so bad , my lymphedema seems worst and the pain wouldn’t go away. And just before i went to bed , my chest hurt so too… the place where I had my mastectomy. So of course, I immediately wonder if it had anything to do with my cancer. Could my cancer have spread to other places? Or could it have gone worst even though, the lump was taken out and the surgeon had said that the margins were good (even though I really don’t know what it meant). So yup! the fear of recurrence is real – so real – it almost scared the shit outta me.

But my fear is not unfounded as I’ve seen ppl go into remission and have seen ppl have a recurrence and fighting it again. It is not fun at all – this fear. A fear that almost makes you wanna puke. Not fun.

How do I feel this morning, somewhat normal but not all there yet? Oh, by the way, I took 2 Advil before bed hoping to get some rest. But I had all kinds of weird dreams last nite and woke up feeling not rested at all. So yes, I hear the fear never goes away once you’ve had cancer. But no I’m not gonna let my fear run my life! I’m gonna be happy! live my life to its fullest and never never give up.

So if you have friends/family recovering from Cancer, any type, be sure to help out especially around the house – with housework, even dishes – cause standing too long or sitting too much just doesn’t seem to do good for the body. Even if you think it’s something they can handle – something small, help. Even changing the trash. I hate asking for help, I feel that ppl around me should know but not true, so offer help even if it is just doing laundry, dishes, or cleaning the sink.